because I didn't see these beautiful young ladies.
|Photo by Gabrielle Handwerk|
Those grins made me think of these little girls who used to play and giggle as they ran through our home.
|Photo by Dan Blackwood|
The little blond is a college freshman and the brown-haired sweetie will graduate from college and get married in the spring.
This all left me wondering...
what's next for me.
I've been a full time mom for almost twenty five years. We home schooled for nine of those. The years when there were four (these cuties have an older brother and sister) little ones around my legs all wanting my attention at once were the most fulfilling years of my life so far. I was tired most of the time, and there were days that I wanted to quit, but my days were filled with purpose and joy. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was doing what I was made to do.
And now as our house empties, I wonder where I am to pour all of the energy that went into nurturing and training our children.
Then that still small voice reminded me that my husband would love more of my time and attention. We have a good marriage and have worked to make time for each other, but it isn't the same as before kids. Then there are the friends who I've always longed to spend more time with. God will lead me if I trust Him to show me the way.
And so I wept for:
days gone by and the sweet little girls and boy who take part of me with them as they go,
and for the love in our daughter and her fiances eyes and a wedding that will give us another wonderful son,
and for joy as I look at who our children are and consider how God will use them to change their worlds,
and with fear as I wonder what employer will be willing to take a chance on a fifty plus year old whose only experience is managing our home and home school,
and with anticipation as I wait to see where God will call me next.
All of this makes me think of this quote:
I have more questions than answers right now, but I will trust that God has a plan and wait patiently (or sometimes not so patiently) to see where He leads.