Focusing on Who God Says I Am

After almost forty years of walking with God I would have thought that I would believe what God says about me. Nope! I know it, but I haven't really believed. I still see my flaws instead of all that God is making me. It is time to get my eyes off of myself and on God.

As I drove home from church one Sunday, I listened to a pastor teaching on God's habit of changing names. Abram became Abraham, Sarai - Sarah, Jacob - Israel, Saul - Paul to name a few.

This pastor went on to say that many people go by names from their past even though God has given them new names. No longer are we lazy, worthless, stupid, slow, ugly, fat, scrawny. You probably have a few of your own.

God doesn't call us those things. He calls us Beloved, Beautiful, Righteous, Blameless. He knows you by name and has always loved you.

Psalm 139 says you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 45 says you are beautiful.
Psalm 34 says you are radiant when you look to Him.
1 John 3 says you are His beloved child.
2 Corinthians 3 says you are becoming like him.

Zephaniah 3:17 has been one of my favorite verses for a long time. Take a few minutes to meditate on how much He loves you and cares for you.

"The Lord your God is with you,
     (Always.)
He is mighty to save.
     (Whether it is out of a difficult situation or in the midst of it, or out of your own despair.
       He is BIGGER than whatever you are going through.)
He will take great delight in you,
     (I know, you feel like you have made a huge mess of things - but God still delights in who you are
       and who you can be, who He created you to be.)
=> This is my favorite part right now:
He will quiet you with His love,
     (Do you, like me, get anxious?
       Are you feeling unsettled or abandoned?
       God wants to calm your anxious thoughts and give you peace.)
He will rejoice over you with singing.
     (Can you believe it?
       He rejoices over you!
       Even though you yell at your kids sometimes
       and don't always have time for your husband
       and you haven't really taken time to pray this week, much less actually open your Bible.)

He loves you because you are you and
HE MADE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.

When I forget who I am in Him:
-My failures overwhelm me and make me feel useless.
-Anxieties multiply because I don't feel "good enough".
-My past haunts me.
-Fear keeps me from stepping out and trying new things.
-I give up!

These are the times it is especially important to read my Bible. The times when we feel least like spending time with God are usually when we need it the most. I am especially grateful at these times that I have marked verses in my Bible that are meaningful to me. That makes it easy for me to find where God has spoken to me before.

If you don't know where to start try Psalms.

Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave really spoke to me recently.

The chorus says:

"I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed."

A Better Marriage Requires a Better Me

We live in a microwave culture. We want everything NOW! We eat fast food, and get angry when we are stuck behind someone driving the speed limit. Texting and the internet allow us instant communication. And we want instant results when our lives need to change.

I’m working through Enhancing Your Marriage by Judy Rossi right now with a bunch of ladies over the internet. The strange thing about this study is that we are beginning week 4 and still haven’t learned anything about marriage. I was skeptical at first, but as I have taken time to consider my own spiritual life, I’ve realized that my marriage can’t grow much if I don’t change and grow first.

When I see attitudes and character qualities in my life that need to change, I think I should be able to pray a quick prayer and presto – the fruit of the Spirit will be perfectly lived out. I have spent so many years asking God to change my heart and mind without seeing the results I expected.

OK, until the last couple of years, I was trying to change in my strength instead of trusting God to change me. I still clung to my pride and selfishness. I wanted to change some or only in some areas. That just isn’t how God works. He asks for all of our heart and soul and mind and strength.

As I have learned to yield to Him, I have still been frustrated by how easily I fall into old habits. I still want that quick fix. As I read Exodus this week there was a verse that I hadn’t noticed before. (Does that happen to you too? A verse jumps out at you that you have read a hundred times before and never noticed.)

“Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.” (23:30) God was going to remove the inhabitants of the Promised Land, but not all at once. If He did, wild animals would have taken over much of the territory. If God worked little by little, the population of the Israelites would increase so they could inhabit all of it.

The same is true of our spiritual lives. If God revealed everything that needed to change at once, we would be overwhelmed and give up. So God works like a sculptor, patiently chipping away at a piece of marble until a masterpiece is revealed. When I look back over the last couple of years, I see how I have changed and grown. No, I am not where I think I should be, but I’m not the person I was either. God continues to work. “He says trust me. If I brought you into this, I’m going to bring you through it. JUST DO AS I COMMAND AND WATCH ME REVEAL MYSELF.” (Judy Rossi)

So I will give God my life and my obedience and will trust Him to change me in His time.

An Emotional Transition - Life after being a full-time mom

The other day I took this mug out of the dishwasher and started bawling...

 because I didn't see these beautiful young ladies.

Photo by Gabrielle Handwerk

 Those grins made me think of these little girls who used to play and giggle as they ran through our home.

Photo by Dan Blackwood

The little blond is a college freshman and the brown-haired sweetie will graduate from college and get married in the spring.

This all left me wondering...

what's next for me.

I've been a full time mom for almost twenty five years. We home schooled for nine of those. The years when there were four (these cuties have an older brother and sister) little ones around my legs all wanting my attention at once were the most fulfilling years of my life so far. I was tired most of the time, and there were days that I wanted to quit, but my days were filled with purpose and joy. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was doing what I was made to do. 

And now as our house empties, I wonder where I am to pour all of the energy that went into nurturing and training our children.

Then that still small voice reminded me that my husband would love more of my time and attention. We have a good marriage and have worked to make time for each other, but it isn't the same as before kids. Then there are the friends who I've always longed to spend more time with. God will lead me if I trust Him to show me the way. 

And so I wept for:

 days gone by and the sweet little girls and boy who take part of me with them as they go,

and for the love in our daughter and her fiances eyes and a wedding that will give us another wonderful son,

and for joy as I look at who our children are and consider how God will use them to change their worlds,

and with fear as I wonder what employer will be willing to take a chance on a fifty plus year old whose only experience is managing our home and home school,

 and with  anticipation as I wait to see where God will call me next.

All of this makes me think of this quote:

E.E. Cummings

 I have more questions than answers right now, but I will trust that God has a plan and wait patiently (or sometimes not so patiently) to see where He leads.

In The Garden

As I sat on the deck a couple of weeks ago, this hymn came to me:

 

In The Garden by C. Austin Miles
photo by Kristi Blackwood

At the time, I didn't know what God was beginning to do in our 18 year old's heart. (She wrote about it in her blog post, Changing My Plans). She came to me last week and said that she believed God was calling her to withdraw from the college she was enrolled in. (I was ready to spend two weeks shopping and packing to take her to this out of state school.) Instead she will enroll in the nursing program at our community college in preparation for the mission field. This plan allows her to graduate debt free so she won't have to work to pay off loans before she can pursue God's call.

Change isn't easy for me. I had just gotten adjusted to her leaving, now I have to readjust to having her home (which is not a bad thing). There is time to get her enrolled in fall classes, but not much. It will be a scramble to take care of admissions, enrolling in classes and getting books. I need those quiet moments with God every day to respond to whatever change the day brings with grace and to live with the peace and joy God desires for me.

I still love the old hymns I grew up singing. They tend to speak to my heart in quiet moments. There is a beauty and poetry in the lyrics that is missing in much of today's worship music.