Lord I Need You

I've been reading Ezekiel lately. This Old Testament prophet has reminded me again of how God kept calling Israel back to Him. They kept turning their backs on Him and chasing after the gods and ways of the cultures in the area where they had settled. God loved them so much that every time His children ran away, He pursued them and restored His relationship with them.

I'm struggling right now with the mistakes I've made, especially as a parent. We have a wedding coming up next summer and the joy that should mark this time is being marred by strained relationships. There were things I knew I was letting slide over the years that have resulted in distance between our children. I pray they will work through their differences soon and enjoy close friendships.

Like the Israelites, I need to ask for forgiveness from God and those I have hurt. Then I need to move forward knowing that God will meet me where I am, and guide me to where I should be. He loves me and longs for a relationship with me. God is for me and wants to help me to succeed.

God's word has also been reminding me that regardless of whether I am a full time homemaker, employed full time or somewhere in between, my true calling is to show God's love to everyone He brings into my path.

God teach me your ways.
Teach me to number my days.
Teach me to let go of self centered ways.
Teach me to love without fear.

The song Lord I Need You has been running through my head a lot lately. The only way I'll make it through each day is to acknowledge my dependance on God.

"Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You ."

                                           

Joyful Trials

Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta, GA

 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials" (James 1:2)

Other translations say a great joy or pure joy. I have so far to go if maturity is being joyful in my trials. I'm learning to find joy in spite of my trials, but in them? I don't know how to do that.

I know God uses trials to help us grow up, so I grit my teeth and bear it when trials come. That is really exhausting though. There isn't much joy in that either.

James tells us why we can be joyful in our trials:

"knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance (or patience, steadfastness, perseverance). And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Dan and I went through disaster relief training at our church last month. I learned how to work in the feeding unit. Something I hadn't considered was the strength that would be needed to carry pots of food and to get the equipment set up and packed up. I will need to get myself to the gym to work on upper body strength before being deployed. The work I do everyday just doesn't produce the strength that will be required for the work. Muscles require exercise to grow and become strong. Faith works the same way. If there is never anything we are tested in, we don't learn to trust God and rely on Him. Faith requires trials to grow. Some trials are small - a misunderstanding with a friend, rush hour traffic. Others are really difficult - a loved ones death, a cancer diagnosis, living with a chronic illness.

 (I didn't go through the recovery training, which is why I could take pictures. Handling a chainsaw and shoveling mud out of houses didn't seem like a good fit.)

We have a choice when trials come. We can give all of it to God - what is happening, our anger, and hopelessnesss, and the outcome - and grow. The alternative is to grumble and complain and become bitter and let our faith atrophy like unused muscles.

God will never leave you. He is there in all of the trials. Sometimes, we don't hear Him or feel His presences, but He is there.

Revealing My Heart

I'm ashamed to admit how often I am unkind to and critical of my family. Usually it is a tone of voice that says you're bothering me, but that is all it takes to reveal my heart. If I am really living for God and surrendering everything to Him, I should not be thinking things that are critical and unkind. Yes, think, because before anything comes out of my mouth, it is in my mind. Even if there is nothing wrong with the words I am saying, my tone of voice and body language reveal my heart. If the things I am focusing on and thinking about are godly, then the words that I speak should be also.

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23

“The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out fo the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for the mouth speaks from that which fills the heart.” Luke 6:45

What we think affects how we live!

It may seem like a few careless words don’t matter, but I still carry scars from unkind words spoken to me in my childhood. Words go deep and lodge themselves in the hidden places of our minds. They reappear when something happens to cause us to doubt ourselves.

It isn’t just our words that are affected by the condition of our hearts. I very easily fall into the trap of insecurity and feeling like I have no value when I drift away from God and His word. The further I fall into the trap, the more convinced I become that no one cares. As a result, I isolate myself from the people around me and continue to spiral downward. When that happens, I need to get back into the word of God and see what He says about me and reach out to show someone else God’s love.

God’s promises to me:

      He loves me

      He pursues a relationship with me

      His love casts out fear

      He sings over me

      He delights in me

      All things are possible in Him

       I can do anything through Him

      His plans are for my good, to give me a future and hope

      He has already planned good things for me to do.

It takes courage and faith to trust God and step out of the dark and I am learning to turn to Him more quickly when I fall into unhealthy thinking.

Lord, I pray that "the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)

Pretending

Angel

Jedi Knight

Hairdresser

Have you ever watched children engaged in imaginative play. I always enjoy seeing the world through their eyes. Over the years we have had explorers, hair dressers, Olympic skaters and skiers, Mary watching over baby Jesus, mechanics, computer scientists (before we owned a computer), along with a host of other characters in our home. This kind of pretending is healthy and important for children as they learn who they are and where they fit in the world around them. Adults pretend too. Much of that pretending isn't healthy.

So many of us spend our lives pretending. (I know I have.) Pretending everything is OK, pretending we’re happy, pretending life doesn’t hurt. But pretending isn’t really living. We hide in the shadows hoping no one will find out who we really are. God invites us to dance the dance of life with Him. Life can be one exciting and glorious adventure. (There will be pain and disappointment too – that’s just part of our fallen world.) The song Offering (Paul Baloche) includes this line: “There are no shadows in Your presence”. If we are going to really live our lives as God intends us to, we can’t hide in the shadows. We have to step out and dance with the King of the Universe.

Jeremiah 1:5 says “Before I formed you I knew you, before you were born I set you apart, I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

This is God’s call to Jeremiah. I believe it is His call to each of His children. He may not have appointed us as prophets, but He knows us intimately and has set each of us apart for a purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Phillipians 2:15 “so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe”

Phillipians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

God, give us the courage to let go of all the lies we have believed and move beyond our fears. Teach us to trust You and see ourselves as you see us. God teach us to dance instead of hiding in the shadows.

(In Do You Think I’m beautiful? Angela Thomas compares our walk with God to a dance.  I highly recommend this book as well as her Bible study with the same title.)

Originally published November 13, 2009

I’m Beautiful (and so are you)

I am beautiful!  God says it so it is true!  I can’t always see it, but that doesn’t change the fact that He calls me beautiful.  (So has my husband for nearly 30 years, I have just never been sure I believed him.)  Why is it so hard to dig through the clutter and the voices in my head to see myself as God sees me and hear Him call me beautiful?  Why am I more ready to believe the world and Satan than my heavenly Daddy who loves me more than I can imagine?

There are certainly days that I don’t see my beauty, but that doesn’t change it.

When I’m feeling out of shape and unattractive - I’m still beautiful.

When I’m tired and my eyes are sad and baggy - I’m still beautiful.

When I’m disappointed in my husband and ugly towards him - I’m still beautiful.

When I’m yelling at the kids - I’m still beautiful.

When I feel like a failure - I’m still beautiful.

When I’m lonely and feel like no one cares - I’m still beautiful.

There is nothing that can change the Truth.  God says I’m beautiful - whether I believe it or not.

What else does He say about me that I haven’t believed?  What does He want to use my hands and feet to do that I’m not doing because I am too busy feeling sorry for myself?  I long to surround myself with beauty and be content with what God has given me. I need to slow down, be still, and listen for His voice.

(Do You Think I’m beautiful? by Angela Thomas explores the things that keep us from seeing ourselves as God does.  I highly recommend it as well as her Bible study with the same title.)

Originally published July 15, 2008.

Always Loved

Our small group is studying 3:16 by Max Lucado. We are enjoying going back to one of the first verses most of us memorized and revisiting some basic truths.

“For God so loved the world that He sent His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

Last night we looked at the permanence of this promise. Once we are God’s, we are always His.

He says:

No one can snatch us out of His hand. (John 10:28)

Nothing can separate us from His love. (Romans 8:35-39)

He will never leave us. (Hebrews 13:5)

Why does God remind us so often that His love is unconditional and eternal?

One answer was: “Because He knows us.”

The next was: “Because we are feeble and fickle”

We hear so clearly the voices of the past and of Satan telling us we are not good enough. We feel our own insecurity and doubt that a perfect God could love the mess we are. I started thinking about why those are the voices we hear instead of the voice of our Daddy telling us we are loved and have just the personality and abilities we need to become all He has planned for us. I think we miss God’s voice because He speaks to the innermost part of our souls in a whisper. Our world is so full of noise and distractions and our lives are so busy that we can’t hear the sweet voice of our Savior. Isn’t it more meaningful to have someone sit next to us and speak quietly in intimate conversation, than to shout across a crowded room?

God loves you more than you will ever know. He longs for you to quiet yourself and cuddle up next to Him so He can talk with you. Will you take a few minutes to be alone, open His word and let Him speak to you through it?

My Song

All of creation declares the glory of God:

 

1 Chronicles 16:33

“Then the trees of the forest will sing, they will sing for joy before the Lord, 

for he comes to judge the earth.”

 Psalm 65:13

“The meadows are covered with flocks and the valleys are mantled with grain; 

they shout for joy and sing.”

 Psalm 98:8

“Let the rivers clap their hands, Let the mountains sing together for joy."

 Psalm 69:4

“Let heaven and earth praise Him, The seas and all that move in them.”

Psalm 19:1

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.”

Just as all creation praises its glorious maker, we were created to glorify the Lord. Each of us has been given a song to sing.

"He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." - Psalm 40:3

"Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth." - Psalm 96:1

Its melody, harmony and sometimes dissonance are revealed in the way we live our lives. We choose to let God’s glory shine or we silence His song as we become preoccupied with the demands of life.

Slow Down

 Do you ever get tired of the busyness of our modern lives? Phones buzzing, the internet calling, always rushing to do the next thing. Never taking the time to slow down and rest. I sure do.

God's plan isn't for us to race around trying to get ahead. He calls us to slow down and spend time with Him.

 “Take time to rest by the wayside, for I am not in a hurry. A leisurely pace accomplishes more than hurried striving. When you rush you forget who you are and whose you are.” Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

He loves us more than we can imagine and wants the best for us.

“I want you to experience how wide and long and high and deep is My love for you, so that you can know My love that surpasses knowledge. This vast ocean  of love cannot be measured or explained, but it can be experienced.” Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

As we slow down and rest in God's love and His plan for us, we learn to give Him our worry and frantic thoughts.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.” Philippians 4:6-8

Jesus came to trade His sinless life for our sins so we can enjoy God's love and live in relationship to Him. He offers us a trade:

Trade our worrying and anxious thoughts for His joy, peace and grace.

Trade our sour attitudes and grudges for His forgiveness, peace and joy.

Trade our selfish pride and stubborn hard heart for His heart that gives freely without thinking about it’s own interests.

Trade our thinking about today’s circumstances for His eternal perspective.

Trade our sin for His righteousness.

The Weaver

In 3:16, Max Lucado tells of watching a weaver set up her loom and begin to work. Then he makes this comparison:
"...Christ in like manner, weaves his story. Every person is a thread, every moment a color, every era a pass of the shuttle. Jesus steadily interweaves the embroidery of humankind.
 'My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord, 'And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.' (Isaiah 55:8 NLT)
 A root menaing of the word translated thoughts is 'artistic craftsmanship'. As if God says 'My artistry is far beyond anything you could imagine'."

This reminded me of a story Corrie Ten Boom used to tell. As she talked, she held a small tapestry, but all the audience could see was the tangled mess on the back. All we can see of our lives are the threads of our own experience. Often these don't make sense and we feel like those tangled threads. What we can't see is God's plan in all of those things. As Corrie finishes speaking she turns over the tapestry to reveal the beautiful picture on the other side. Each of us is a masterpiece. Unlike anyone else. There is a purpose and a plan for all of those messy, tangled things we go through (Jeremiah 29:11).

Life is But a Weaving (The Tapestry Poem)

Image courtesy of Piyachok Thawornmat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Corrie Ten Boom

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
Oft' times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not 'til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.

Reflections

 I love the juxtaposition of old and new in cities like Boston. Here, it was the reflection of the old in the new that caught my eye.

It made me think about what I am reflecting. What is it that people see in me? Do I reflect the hurried, harried pace I often try to keep? Or is it the strain of my daily struggles that shows on in my countenance? I'm afraid it is rarely the love, joy, and peace of my Savior that is reflected.

(Trinity Church, Boston)











                                      

If I am living truly surrendered to God, it should be the fruit of the Spirit that people see in me. God's presence allows us to live beyond our circumstances. I'll still be aggravated by difficult people, and discouraged at times, and just weary. I do have a tendency to be worried and anxious too. Will I give all of that to God so people will see Him when they look at me?

I'm working on it. Though as I learn to surrender everything to God, I've just been grumpier. (Hormones may be partly to blame.) Satan doesn't want me to be a reflection of Jesus, so he tries to get me to react poorly. It is my family that receives the brunt of this. It frustrates me and makes me want to quit trying, but I won't.

(Old South Meeting House, Boston)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control ; against such things there is no law." Galations 5:22-23

Finding purpose in my days

 My Purpose

As our children have become busy with jobs, interests and activities, and have left for college,  I have found myself with time on my hands.  I need to know God’s purpose for my life, so I can find the best way to fill my days.

God’s answer to my cry: “To glorify Me.”

But how?  God’s answer was “by giving my very best to the task at hand and to quit worrying about a year from now, a week from now, or even an hour from now.”  So I will do the laundry, the grocery shopping, the cooking and cleaning, the planning and the homeschooling to the glory of God. In Taking Up Your Cross, Tricia McCary Rhodes,  answered my heart’s cry in a way I didn’t expect.

“The reason we don’t come to God when we’re busy, or tired, or
emotionally distraught is because we believe we come to give
instead of to get.  We see quiet times as our Christian responsibility
and therefore we must do them when we are strong and in good
spiritual condition.  But God doesn’t call us to Himself for what we
might bring, but that we might know the delight of finding our
deepest needs met in all that He is.  What really glorifies Him are
empty, needy people being filled and made whole by His
goodness.”

“When the driving passion of our life is to find joy and delight in the
pursuit of God’s glory, then we have discovered our reason for being. “

I believe part of glorifying God is showing others His glory.  Again, I have struggled with how to do that.  When Moses had been in God’s presence his face shone so brightly that the Israelites were frightened and he had to veil his face.  I think as we spend more time in God’s presence, His glory will overflow from our lives onto those around us.

I guess I will keep pursuing God and wait for Him to show me what to do next.

(Tricia’s website has a lot of articles and devotional materials http://www.soulatrest.com/index.html)

(Originally written July 3, 2008, but I am struggling with this again as I work myself out of a job.)

Desert Places

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Image courtesy of Evgeni Dinev at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There have been many times when I have struggled to hear God speak to me, or to feel His presence. I've cried out to Him feeling like my prayers bounced off the ceiling. Sometimes, those times have been brief, others they have lasted weeks or months. This is what I have learned in those dry times.

When we find ourselves in dry places, we need to remember that God still loves us and is still there even when we can’t find him. He still has a purpose and a plan for our lives. Look for Him everywhere: in children’s laughter, the buds on the trees, and the concern of a friend. Listen for Him in birds’ songs, a rain shower, music, and the voice of a friend. Tell God what you are feeling - all of it. Are you disappointed, angry, discouraged, and weary? You can’t tell Him anything He doesn’t already know. He longs for us to fall into His arms and pour out our hearts to Him. Trust Him!

Stay in the Word. Don’t stop praying.

Praise Him even though you don’t feel like it.

The Psalms express the whole range of human emotion. Find a Psalm that speaks to you and camp there a while, letting God minister to your soul.

In the times when I am not hearing from God, I’m grateful that I have verses that are meaningful to me marked in my Bible. In those dry times, I search for those underlined passages and often God will use them to speak to my heart again.

Sometimes I feel abandoned by God, but He promises He will never leave us:

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

Desert Song always touches my heart.

What comforts you and gives you strength when you are struggling?

Who Am I Trying to Please?

Have you ever listened to the way birds sing their hearts out. They just do what God made them to do. It reminds me to do the same. 

I have a tendency to want to please people. I don’t feel valuable unless I have had my efforts validated by those I care about.  Is that just human nature? We want to feel loved and accepted unconditionally. I was in my thirties before I began to understand that what people think about me isn’t important. Here is part of a devotion on who we should want to please:

“Someday soon this earthly life is all going to be over! And what will matter then?
    How smart, capable, or successful we were? How loved, appreciated, or applauded we were? How much we possessed? How much we achieved? How much we accomplished?
    Will it matter whether we were attractive or ugly, smart or dumb, sick or poor, known or unknown?
    No!
    When this earthly life is over, when all is said and done, none of these things - which now seem so important – will matter.
    Only one thing will matter on “that day”… the only thing that will matter is that you and I have glorified [God] on earth and have finished the work that He has given us to do individually.”
Kay Arthur, His Imprint My Expression

    You see, in this life as in the next, we will only find unconditional love and acceptance from God. When I am failing at pleasing people, I tend to think I need to be more like those I look up to in order for God to use me. When I still can’t please those I care about, I withdraw and wallow in self-pity. In that condition, I’m of no use to anyone.

Last week I came across some letters dear friends have written. When I read them, I realized God made me exactly the person I am supposed to be. I have the strengths and weaknesses, the gifts and talents, and the personality traits I need for the circumstances I will encounter and for the ministry God has planned for me. If I will focus on Him and be myself, I will bless the lives of those around me. I still won’t please everyone, but I will bring glory to my God and will please myself.

Along with that realization last week came something I have prayed for over several years. Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit, but it was missing from my life. When I saw that I am good enough for God there was freedom – and joy.

It is time to stop hiding from the world, rejoice in who I am, and just shine. I will need to make sure I spend time listening for God to show me the way to go. I can’t please God if I don’t know what He wants me to do. It will be hard to make that time, but I intend to cherish every moment.