An Emotional Transition - Life after being a full-time mom

The other day I took this mug out of the dishwasher and started bawling...

 because I didn't see these beautiful young ladies.

Photo by Gabrielle Handwerk

 Those grins made me think of these little girls who used to play and giggle as they ran through our home.

Photo by Dan Blackwood

The little blond is a college freshman and the brown-haired sweetie will graduate from college and get married in the spring.

This all left me wondering...

what's next for me.

I've been a full time mom for almost twenty five years. We home schooled for nine of those. The years when there were four (these cuties have an older brother and sister) little ones around my legs all wanting my attention at once were the most fulfilling years of my life so far. I was tired most of the time, and there were days that I wanted to quit, but my days were filled with purpose and joy. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was doing what I was made to do. 

And now as our house empties, I wonder where I am to pour all of the energy that went into nurturing and training our children.

Then that still small voice reminded me that my husband would love more of my time and attention. We have a good marriage and have worked to make time for each other, but it isn't the same as before kids. Then there are the friends who I've always longed to spend more time with. God will lead me if I trust Him to show me the way. 

And so I wept for:

 days gone by and the sweet little girls and boy who take part of me with them as they go,

and for the love in our daughter and her fiances eyes and a wedding that will give us another wonderful son,

and for joy as I look at who our children are and consider how God will use them to change their worlds,

and with fear as I wonder what employer will be willing to take a chance on a fifty plus year old whose only experience is managing our home and home school,

 and with  anticipation as I wait to see where God will call me next.

All of this makes me think of this quote:

E.E. Cummings

 I have more questions than answers right now, but I will trust that God has a plan and wait patiently (or sometimes not so patiently) to see where He leads.

Lord I Need You

I've been reading Ezekiel lately. This Old Testament prophet has reminded me again of how God kept calling Israel back to Him. They kept turning their backs on Him and chasing after the gods and ways of the cultures in the area where they had settled. God loved them so much that every time His children ran away, He pursued them and restored His relationship with them.

I'm struggling right now with the mistakes I've made, especially as a parent. We have a wedding coming up next summer and the joy that should mark this time is being marred by strained relationships. There were things I knew I was letting slide over the years that have resulted in distance between our children. I pray they will work through their differences soon and enjoy close friendships.

Like the Israelites, I need to ask for forgiveness from God and those I have hurt. Then I need to move forward knowing that God will meet me where I am, and guide me to where I should be. He loves me and longs for a relationship with me. God is for me and wants to help me to succeed.

God's word has also been reminding me that regardless of whether I am a full time homemaker, employed full time or somewhere in between, my true calling is to show God's love to everyone He brings into my path.

God teach me your ways.
Teach me to number my days.
Teach me to let go of self centered ways.
Teach me to love without fear.

The song Lord I Need You has been running through my head a lot lately. The only way I'll make it through each day is to acknowledge my dependance on God.

"Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You ."

                                           

Mom's BBQ

Growing up in Delaware we didn't eat real pulled pork, or beef. I thought Mom's version was the real thing. I was disappointed when I first had pulled pork. I still prefer Mom's.  I think of her every time I take my leftover bits and pieces of meat and simmer them with barbecue sauce.

Really, it's that easy. When I have a leftover piece of chicken or beef or pork that sits in the refrigerator for a few days, you know the ones -too big to throw away, but too small to do anything with - I wrap it up and put it in the freezer. A gallon size bag keeps all of them together. When there is enough for a meal, I put the frozen meat in a saucepan with a few tablespoons of water and some BBQ sauce and simmer it for several hours. The slow cooker would probably be perfect for this, but I always do it the way Mom did. After a while you can start to shred the meat as you stir it. And you need to stir it occasionally. The sugar in the sauce makes it easy to burn. (I guess the slow cooker would solve that problem.) I frequently make my sauce these days, but there is always a bottle of store bought in the pantry just in case.

I remember putting pickle slices on the sandwiches when we were growing up. I married a southern boy, so now I make Cole slaw for our sandwiches. French fries are a classic side and they frequently are served here too. Though those are almost always frozen.